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Monday, September 13, 2004
Spotlight On...

Crazy Mamma, Tracie.  A mother, a Capricorn,  and a child of the universe.  Tracie loves watching reality TV and talking on the phone.

Tracie  (A name I've hated all my life-my mother initially wanted to name me "Vanessa" but feared that I'd be called "Van" all my life- so she went with Tracie- which is funny, because I get called "Tra" by my friends)
Age:  Um, 33.
Location: Waco,TX
Do all of your exes live in Texas? Unfortunately, yes.  We moved to Texas when I was 13 months old...never have gone back to Cali.
Where were you born?  Riverside,CA- March Air Force Base.

What did you want to be when you grew up?  A Teacher.  I even had a college acceptance letter to Southwest Texas State University in San Marcos, TX with a major in Elementary Education.   Then I got pregnant and got kicked out of the house.  So much for that.
How do you earn your living now?  I am a caseworker within the welfare system.  I got here quite by accident- had attended Business College- and one of the counselors there told me to try out for the job- so I did.  Came in as a clerk.  Learned alot.  Don't believe all the myths you've heard in regards to welfare- most are not true.  I like what I do- I feel like if I can help just ONE person then I'm doing good.  I see alot of myself in many of my clients. 

What were mealtimes like for you as a child?  My mother wasn't a "come home from work and cook a big meal" kinda person.  My stepdad used to cook.  If you consider Mac and Cheese with fried Spam cut up in it as cooking.  Blech.  We used to eat at the table- which was never pleasant (not when you are 13, with 1 and 3 year old brothers crying and whining).  Eventually, we got our plates and gravitated to our rooms.
Where are your brothers these days?  My brothers have BOTH moved back home with my mother.  Both were 'private school'  educated- lest they be 'tainted' by the public school system like I was (heh)...and both have attended at least one year of college.  Yet, here they are- back home- one is a busboy, and the other is a call center employee for an insurance company. 

Did you ever like any of your school photos?  No.  Matter of fact, I came across my picture from the 4th grade the other day- and it was just awful.  My kids thought it was quite funny.
Are your kids in school now?  Yes, my daughter started high school this fall, and my son started 6th's been interesting so far.
What was your first date like?  A cheapo.  My parents didn't know I had a date, I told them I was going to a friend's house.
What was the most romantic date you've ever had?  Actually, it was with cheater- and it was right here in town- nice place to eat (cloth napkins!) and we took a walk along the Riverwalk here that WISHES it could be like the one in San Antonio.

What is in your vegetable bin? Ha.  Isn't that where you put veggies or something in the fridge?  I don't cook, really (see above) but when I do put something in there, it ends up unidentifiable because I forget about it.

What color is your car?  White.  But it's ugly.  Every car I've actually bought myself (not purchased by my parents, or a certain unnamed cheater, have been black.)

Are you having a good hair day?  Everyday is a good hair day for me just about.  I have alot of natural curl- and when it's not doing what I want it to- it's cute in a clip or a ponytail.

What is your favorite perfume? Mambo by Liz Claiborne, or Romance by Ralph Lauren.

What is your middle name? Leigh.  I hate it.  It's a family thing (Effie Lee, Angela Lee, Edward Lee, etc)....and I did it to my daughter too.

What type of books do you like to read?  Chick books, Political books, Biographies.
Seen any good movies lately?  F. 9/11 was the last movie I paid full price for.  Before that, the kids and I went to see "Johnson's Family Reunion" at the $ movies.  It was too funny.   I have about 250 movies at home- and there are a staple 10 we watch all the time.
What do you like to do in your free time? (If there is such a thing with two children)---free time?  Yeah right!  Actually, the older the kids are getting, the more they doing away from home- and when they happen to both be gone at the same time, I'm actually unsure what to do with the time.  Sleep?  Read?  Watch TV?  I'm going to be no good at that empty nest thing when it gets here.  I don't know how to be 'me' anymore.
What is your favorite type of cookie?  Oatmeal Raisin.  My kids don't like those kind, so when I make them, they are ALL MINE!
Who would you like to see featured on the next Spotlight?  Babyfishfel!

Big thanks to Tracie for taking the time to talk!

Posted at 10:50 am by ChefGrace
(4) Shout Outs  

Friday, September 10, 2004

The Colts lost their season opener to the
Patriots last night,  by a score of
This brought back painful memories of the 
loss of the AFC championship in January.
Same coaches, same stadium, same
stupid Patsys.

Between Peyton Manning getting sacked,
"The Edge" James fumbling the ball (twice),
and Mike Vanderchoke's (tm Blurry) failure
to tie the game with a field goal, I am
relieved that I didn't watch the game.
The highlights, (or lowlights), on ESPN
were painful enough.

Just think~ 149 more days until the
Super Bowl.  This is going to be one
long-ass season.

Posted at 09:25 am by ChefGrace
(4) Shout Outs  

Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Get Real

  • AQUARIUS (JAN.20-FEB.18): You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
  • PISCES (FEB.19-MAR.20): You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses a lot.
  • ARIES (MAR.21-APR.19): You are a pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.
  • TAURUS (APR.20-MAY20): You are practical and persistent. You have a  dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are very stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a God Damn Communist.
  • GEMINI (MAY21-JUNE20): You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for to little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are very notorious for thriving on incest.
  • CANCER (JUNE21-JULY22): You are sympathetic and understanding to other's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things  off. That is why you will always be on welfare and will not be worth a shit.
  • LEO (JULY23-AUG22): You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors alot.
  • VIRGO (AUG23-SEPT22): You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's make good bus drivers or pimps.
  • LIBRA (SEPT23-OCT22): You are quick witted and the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are probably queer. Chances for prestigious employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libran women are whores. All Librans die of venereal disease.
  • SCORPIO (OCT23-NOV21): You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch. Most Scorpio's are murdered.
  • SAGITTARIUS (NOV22-DEC21): You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You  have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittariuns are drunks and pot heads. People laugh at you alot because you are always getting fucked
  • CAPRICORN (DEC22-JAN19): You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

Real horoscopes courtesy of


Posted at 08:39 am by ChefGrace
(7) Shout Outs  

Tuesday, September 07, 2004
A Basket Case

This is what happens to lawyers before a trial.

(Knock 'em dead sweetie!)

Posted at 12:16 am by ChefGrace
(3) Shout Outs  

Monday, September 06, 2004
Spotlight On

Perpetual Blonde, formerly known as Shitclown.  Turn Ons: Claritin-D, bacon, mimes, finger puppet theater, ABChao. Turn Offs: mesh tops, crossed eyes, post-nasal drip horking, the words 'moist', 'self-aggrandizing', and 'slacks'

Name: Keli. Actually, that's what I've been called all my life, but it's not the name on my birth certificate. It's a long and tedious story, which should be a lesson to all parents: Do not name your children and then not call them by that name, because your child will hate explaining why the name they want to be called is not the name on the birth certificate. Also, doctors and nurses will freak out when you do not respond to your legal name and assume you have amnesia or are deranged.

Age: What year is this?  I'm 33. Yes. I think so.

Location:  Outside Cincinnati, same as Big Lil from Survivor. This ad cracks me up every time I see it. Mick saw her in
Sam's Club last week and said she's now a glowing nuclear orange.

Where were you born?  Towson, Maryland. I was one of the first babies born in their brand new OB wing.  

What did you want to be when you grew up? I went back and forth a lot between being a teacher, an actress, or a writer. Then my ninth grade English teacher let me teach her class for a day, and I realized I Hated teenagers. I gave up on acting when I realized that most of my Thespian friends were drama queens. I still love writing.
This story was one of my all-time favorite  blog entries, ever.  Have you ever considered writing for a living? I consider it all the time! Maybe someday, but not yet. Right now I'm in the midst of starting up my own little online business for items I hand knit (the site won't be unveiled until October!). I have one story in particular that I think would be really great and it's not anything I've ever read before, so hopefully by the time I get around to writing it, someone will find it interesting enough to want to book publish it.

What were mealtimes like for you as a child? Oh man. My Mom was not a  good cook, and she did weird things like put celery in spaghetti sauce. My dad was just as weird, because I caught him putting peanut butter in split pea soup. I was very thin for a long time because I  couldn't stomach most dinners.

What's a typical dinner for your family now?
Oh, it's always crazy, since I'm divorced (and engaged), and when the kids are with me for dinner, I usually wind up cooking three different things, because they're so picky, Mick is so picky, and I'm kind of strict about what I eat (see my
"diet blog"  for that...). The only time we have anything to eat where we all sit at the table at the same time is if someone else is visiting. So like tonight, I made hot dogs and baked beans for them, but I had to make onion baked beans for Mick because he thinks the regular ones are too sweet. And then I had a Weight Watchers heat-em-up of meatloaf something.

Did you ever like any of your school photos? Oh yeah. Not the ones from junior high, because those were some years of fug. But by my junior year I was smokin' again. For senior pictures, we could use any photographer we wanted, so instead of using the school's choice, I went to a Very Fancy Place and those pictures turned out so great, the photographer used them in his print advertisements for a few years.

What was your first date like? Oh, it was a double date, because my parents wouldn't let me go out alone With A Boy. So my friend Lori went out with his brother, and we saw Ghostbusters. No goodnight kiss, because my mother was peeking out the window while my dad stood in the driveway.

How did you and Mick meet? Oh, that's all here.  Basically, I sort of knew who he was on a forum that I read, and then I signed up for personals on Nerve, and I made my little headline something that only people who read that site would understand, and a few days later, he responded to it!  I had no idea he was looking for someone at that time, and I thought it was hilarious. And then it took forever for us to finally go out on our first date (September 12th is our two year anniversary for that), and then about a month and a half after dating, he moved in, and a few months after that we got engaged.

Have you made any wedding plans yet? We have made a million wedding plans (including eloping to Vegas, having a pig roast on a farm, to just going to a courthouse). We have settled on none so far. But every time we go to a family function together, people keep telling us to just go to the courthouse. So maybe we will (my mom already gave me eloping privileges!). But I don't know when. It might be this week for all we know. I already use his last name for lots of stuff and he refers to me as his wife, so it's not like we've got cold feet. More like we just got burned out from thinking about planning anything.

What is in your vegetable bin?
Beer. Guiness, Woodchuck Cider, and 
Mike's Hard Lime.

What color is your car?
I don't actually own a car right now, but Mick has two,
which are black and blue.
Do you have any pets?
Oh lordy, yes. Two cats, both chock full of personality. Rocky is my oldest son's cat, and he's a bit of a molester. He's also amazingly stupid, so you'll start to feel bad that he's so dumb, and then all of sudden he's trying to make out with you and you'll be completely creeped out. He's very special. And Miss Kitty is a cat who decided that I would be her owner. She lived outside of the apartment building I moved into after The Worst Breakup in the World Ever and September 11, and lots of times, she was my only contact with anything breathing. We have A Bond, in that sickening way that people who love their cats too much do. I've never had a cat that was so attached to me, but we have been through some extremely rough crap together. I know it will be a very hard day for me when she waddles across the rainbow bridge (heh, I hate that poem! Hate!).

Rocky is here:
Miss Kitty is here

Are you having a good hair day? Oh Lord, no. I got up a couple of hours ago, and this mop needs a wash, and it's haphazardly thrown into a ponybun.
Heard any good jokes lately? Here's the one my youngest son told me today.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!

What is your favorite perfume? Right now I wear Clinique Simply, but I also really love a perfume by The body Shop called Indian Gardenia. And I love Demeter's Gin&Tonic, because I love smelling like a boozehound when I volunteer at the elementary school.

What is your middle name? Coleen. Which is almost sort of a nickname for Keli, but not.
I know you've gotten a couple of new gadgets lately.  I've really enjoyed you digital pictures.  Have you put that new Kitchen Aid mixer to good use yet?
Sadly (or not, for others), the only thing I've made are cookies cookies cookies. And it's handy for whipping up Jiffy cornbread mix. Most of the time I forget to use it and just stir everything by hand. I always forget to use my blender and food processor and microwave, too.

What type of books do you like to read? I am really snotty about what I read. I hate most chick lit, but I'm really looking forward to Gwen Zepeda's first book
To the Last  Man I Slept with and All the Jerks Just Like Him

What is your favorite type of cookie? I'm a sucker for those gigantic Pepperidge Farm cookies with names of fancy towns. Mainly chocolate chip.
Who is your favorite Big Brother contestant, and do you think they have a shot at winning? Nakomis, who at first I thought I would really dislike. I then she has an excellent shot as of this moment. I'm totally pulling for her. She's wicked smart.

Who would you like to see featured on the next Spotlight? Tracie Crazy Mamma!

Thanks for going along with this Keli, I love ya girl!

Posted at 11:02 am by ChefGrace
(4) Shout Outs  

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